The Diary of Bree
by Danteluvr4eva
Summary: Bree just did something that she can never take back. Now see her go through the stress of dealing with that secret, and what she does to try and fix it.
1. Memories

I sit in the darkness of my room, it's 2:07 AM, and I can't sleep. Too many thoughts from the night haunt me and keep me awake. I sit up and drag myself over to my desk and grab my ipod, then go back to bed. I scroll down to Escape The Fate and press play. The first song that plays is Not Good Enough For Truth In Cliché. I turn it all the way up to drown out the silence of the night. I lip sync the words until it reaches the chorus, then I just stop and listen to the words, and let my memories take over my mind.

_Sitting in this room playing Russian Roulette _

_Finger on the trigger to my dear Juliet_

_Out from the window see her back drops to the west_

_This blood on my hands is something I can not forget_

I pause the song and sigh. I look into my hands and drop my face into them, and for the first time in a long time, I cried

No matter what I do I can't change the fact that he's dead, and that I killed him.

I close my eyes and fall into a deep sleep with his image forever burned into my memory.

My alarm goes off at 6:15 AM, the same as every morning, and every morning I drag myself out of bed to get dressed. Today I threw on some red skinny jeans and a black Brokencyde band tee, and slip my feet into my black high tops and run out the door to catch the bus.

As I walk into school I see Ricky's memorial banners, and candles spread all over the entrance to school. I close my eyes and walk by them as if nothing happened. I head for the girls bathroom, where everything happed, I walked in and locked the door.

You may be thinking that I'm a newbie to cutting and that I don't really know what I'm doing, but I do. I have been cutting for years now and it only gets worse as the stress I'm under gets worse. I grab the small blade from the secret compartment in my backpack, and roll up my sleeve admiring all my scars and scabs letting old memories fill my mind, until I reached my most recent one……from last night.


	2. He Saw What He Wasn't Meant To See

** Flashback**

A violent fight over nothing with my parents led me to the school. Of course our school was to high and mighty to hire security thinking no one would ever try to break in. Wrong. I picked the lock to the main entrance of the school then the lock to the girls bathroom. I did all my cutting here. Here I could cut in peace without anyone finding out. This time, unfortunately would be my last as I planned to end my life. I took out my razor from the secret compartment in my backpack and slid the cool metal across my skin. I felt so relieved. I wouldn't have to deal with the fighting anymore. Taking the gun out of my backpack, I placed it against my temple. I decided I wanted to count to three.

One…..

Two…..

Someone popped out of the bathroom stall.

Scared because I didn't know who it was, I pulled the trigger. I hit him in the upper thigh causing him to fall to the ground in pain.

With blood gushing from the wound, and me, finally realizing that it was Ricky, I froze in place. I can't believe I just shot my best friend.

I dropped to my knees, and the tears fell, they fell until he spoke.

" I'm fine Bree-Bree, but I need a hospital."

"No-no hospital, they will tell my parents, and I can't go back there Ricky, I can't."

I started crying again causing him to squeeze my hand tightly.

"Fine Bree, no hospital, call an ambulance." His words were slurred and I could tell that he was starting to lose consciousness because of the blood loss.

"NO!, they will just take me home too! I can't Ricky, I can't but I don't know what else to do!"

This time he didn't respond, he had already passed out from the blood loss.

I knew he was suffering like this, and I didn't know what else to do, but I wanted to stay away from my parents.

Without thinking I took the gun, pointed it at Ricky and pulled the trigger.

That's when I heard the siren from the cop cars coming closer to the school after hearing the first gun shots.

I couldn't stay.

I left, leaving Ricky's dead body on the bathroom floor.

I ran, I ran back to the one place I wanted to stay away from.

Home.

My parents were already in bed. My mom in the bedroom and my dad on the couch in the living room.

With the gun hidden under my shirt I crept through the house as silent as a mouse.

I got up to my room tossing the gun on the floor, climbing into bed, and crying. Until I had no more tears.

I didn't do what I went to do, but I killed my only friend.

I'm still alive, but inside I'm dead.

Reality set in, and I fell asleep with his image forever burned inside my memory.


	3. Eternal Darkness

I snapped back to reality when I heard a loud knock on the bathroom door. I quickly put my razor back into my bag, rolled down my sleeve, and slowly walked towards the door to unlock it.

Sadly on the other side of that portal to hell called school was the "prestigious" principle Mr. Molina. If you ask me he has never done anything that would put him on my good persons list if you know what I mean. He is always going around and picking on the kids who are "different" if you know what I mean. His version of the school would be all jocks and smart kids, just so he could make himself look better.

It makes me sick.

I look up at him, trying to put my good girl face on, but since he has been my principle for three years its kinda hard to fool him.

"Breeana Cole, why am I not surprised to see that you're the one behind this door."

Ugh, he said my full name, no one ever says my full name and gets away with it. I grip my fists tightly by my side and fight myself to resist punching him right then and there. Instead I just smile up at him and reply :

"Sorry Mr. Molina, force of habit, it won't happen again, I promise."

He shakes his head, obviously disappointed in my behavior. I really didn't care. After all that's happened to me, I think it's ok if I act strange for a couple days.

I walked by him with my head down, and ran to my locker. In the mean time, I walked past the bathroom where Ricky's body was found that night. The pounding in my head came back, just like last night. As soon as I reached my locker the bell rang, telling me that I would be late for class. I grabbed my pills and started walking towards class when I stopped, just as I reached that bathroom. I looked around to make sure no one was around, then I walked inside, careful not to touch the police tape that was on the door. As I ducked under it I slowly pushed the door open, and slowly walked in.

I fell to my knees, as I saw the large blood stain on the floor where Ricky's body was found. I ran into a stall just in time for vomit to fall into it. I sat there for a while, my face on the cold seat. I just wanted to wash the memories away. Soon tears started to fall. I just wanted for everything to go back to how it used to be, but I guess that was impossible now. He was gone, and he wasn't coming back, and it was all my fault.

The bell rang again, signaling the end of the first class, but I didn't move, or more over, I couldn't move. I was frozen in fear. Fear of what would happen to me if they found out who did it. Fear of what my parents and friends will think of me afterwards. Fear of living with the guilt of what I did.

I stood up.

I walked over to the sink and mirror. I looked at myself and noticed my eyes that were red and puffy from crying, and my make-up running down my face. I realized that if I didn't do something that this is what I would look like for the rest of my life.

I knew I had to do something. I knew that I had to pay for what I did to my best friend.

I took my pills from my back pocket popped open the cap and counted how many were in the bottle.

"15" I said to myself.

Just enough.

I emptied the contents of the bottle into my hand, and stuffed them into my mouth. I put the water running and used the water to help the pills go down.

I swallowed. I made sure I swallowed all fifteen pills, as I dropped to the floor waiting for the eternal darkness to come over me.

Not too soon after my breathing started to come out in rough gasps and my vision was getting blurry.

Just what I wanted I thought to myself, but a knock at the door would ruin my sweet moment. I heard someone walk in and hell my name, but it was too late. The eternal darkness had already overcome my body, and the last thing I remember is my head hitting the cold tile floor.


	4. I Thought I Could Never Forget

I woke up to many beeping machines, and a large tube stuffed down my throat. I gagged on the tube, gaining some ones attention, but my vision was still blurry and I couldn't make out who it was. I coughed again, and the unknown person pulled the tube out, and I waited to gain my vision and my breath back.

When my vision came back I saw that he was my doctor, and he old me that I was in a coma for two weeks. After I thanked him for pulling out the tube, he started to explain to me the danger of what I had done. He also mentioned the police wanting to talk to me, but I didn't understand why they would want to talk to me. The only thing I can remember is trying to commit suicide, and nothing before that.

But lets just keep that a secret for now.

My doctor told me to get some more rest and that the police would be here later today to talk to me.

It was about 6:00 pm when the police came, and I had just finished eating dinner.

"Ms. Breeana Cole."

I made a mental note of my name.

"We just want to ask you a couple questions about the location where you were found unconscious."

"ok" I replied hesitantly

"Is there any reason why you were in that specific room at that time"

"No" I thought about it, I don't even know what room they are talking about.

"ok then, do you have any knowledge of the events that happened in that same room the night before?"

I thought about it for a second, but I really couldn't remember.

"No" I finally replied.

"Did you have any relationship with Ricky Carson?"

Finally I snapped, fed up with not understanding what they were talking about.

"Look, I'm really sorry, but I honestly have no idea what you have been talking about this whole time. I don't remember anything prior to passing out, so please leave me alone."

Soon after I realized that I had already started crying, and that my chest hurt, and I had a massive headache, and it was getting hard to breath. One of the machines started to beep rapidly and my vision was getting blurry, and I'm guessing the cops had ran to get the doctor because I heard his voice soon after trying to get me to calm down, but I just couldn't. All of that soon faded as I drifted off into a deep sleep, my mind still blank.

When I woke up the doctor was in my room looking at charts and moniters. I groaned as I tried to sit up. My head still hurt and I was really dizzy. I sat there for a little while just being quiet. I took in a deep breath, and that's when it started. The coughing fit. I covered my mouth like I always did, and this time I'm really happy I did, because when I took my hand away from my mouth it was covered in blood, and me and blood don't mix.

"Oh my God" was all I could say before I passed out, but not without getting a worried look from my doctor.

I woke up again with a new tube down my throat and this one hurt more than the first one because now I had a sore throat. I gagged again but this time no one was in the room to hear me. I looked around my room trying to find that nurse button, and soon I found it and pressed the button a few times, then waited.

Someone finally came in and took the tube out so I could talk. The nurse then left and called the doctor to let him know I was awake.

"Well Ms. Cole, you just missed your parents."

"Is that my name?" I asked. I guess the secrets out now.

"Yes, your name is Breeana Cole, and according to your friends, you nickname is Bree."

"Ok, and who was that Ricky Carson person that the cops were talking about before?"

He studied me for a bit, and when he realized that I really did lose my memory he continued.

"Apparently he was your best friend at school, you and him were inseparable."

"Wait, what do you mean by 'was' my best friend?"

He paused, he looked like he was debating with himself whether or not to tell me.

"Ricky Carson….was found dead in the bathroom where you were found unconscious, he died from several gunshot wounds"

He stopped there and let me take it in. Not to much longer after he told me my headaches came back, and these hurt more than the ones before. I grabbed my head hoping for the pain to subside, and it seemed to work, but as the pain subsided, painful memories came back. I started to cry as I remembered everything about that night.

"It was me!" I screamed. Scaring the fucking shit out of my doctor.

"I remember everything, Ricky…..he saw me cutting in the bathroom at school where I would always cut. This time I had a huge fight with my parents and I was going to end my life, but Ricky jumped out of a stall and scared me, and I shot him in the leg by mistake. He needed help or else he was going to bleed out, but I couldn't. I knew that if I called for help that they would take me back to my parents, and I couldn't go back. I shot him to death then ran, and where did I run to. My parents house. The only place there was left for me to run. I went to school the next day and tried to act like nothing happened but I just felt to guilty. I took my pills and waited to die. I had just passed out when someone found me in the bathroom, then I woke up here."

I wiped the tears from my eyes and sighed. Everything was out of the bag now. I knew that the doctor would tell the police, I mean he would be crazy not to right? I knew I was going to spend the rest of my life in jail, just how soon that was going to happen, was now in the hands of my doctor, the only one to know the truth besides me.

I looked up at my doctor. He was speechless, and I didn't blame him. He didn't say anything, he just got up and walked out of my room and started talking to the police that were outside my room.

He came back into the room a while later and told me that he was going to keep my secret. I sighed in relief, but I knew there had to be a catch, and I was right. The catch was that I had to be on suicide watch in the hospital for a month, then I had to do a month of after school therapy.

Of course I agreed, who wouldn't.


	5. Sweet Lie or Soon to be Nightmare?

I woke up to just another boring day on suicide watch. I look over at the clock on the night stand and it reads 8:45 AM, way to early. I close my eyes to go back to sleep, but my phone rings. I don't answer; I just sit there and listen to the ring tone.

"She said you're just a letdown, another one of my mistakes

I never loved you anyway

I never did and I never will"

I fell back asleep after listening to the beep, letting me know that I had a voicemail.

I woke up again to someone shaking me. I open my eyes to see my doctor staring down at me. I looked at the clock, and then it hit me. I forgot that I had a therapist appointment 10:00 AM, its now 11:30 AM.

"Oops sorry, I was up really late last night and I couldn't sleep. I am still getting those nightmares every night."

I got a sympathetic look. My doctor was the only one who knew what really happened. He was the only one I let in on my horrid nightmares because it involved the past that I cannot afford to reveal to anyone else.

My appointment was rescheduled for 3:00 PM later that day, but as it got closer I dreaded it even more. I already knew what he was going to ask. Every time I tell him that I am not comfortable talking about my dream, and I never would be. I couldn't just tell him and let him know my secret.

Could I?

As sure as fucking shit, the first thing he asks me to do is to tell him my nightmares.

"No, how many times do I need to tell you that I am not going to tell you. You need to accept that I am just not comfortable telling you."

"Until you say yes."

I sigh. He was never going to give up. See this is why I hate therapy. I'm already pissed off and the session has just begun. I just wish he would label me a lost cause so I wouldn't have to go through this anymore. Unfortunately it doesn't work that way.

I sigh again. I'm just gonna give up. I will just tell him a fake nightmare that's believable so he will get off my back.

I pause a little for dramatic effect to make it seem like I didn't just think of this 10 seconds ago.

"Fine I'll tell you, HAPPY NOW??"

His face lit up like a tree at Christmas.

"I'm so glad you decided to finally trust me, now lay down and we will get this done as painless as possible."

I close my eyes and try to focus on making this as dramatic as possible.

**Dream Mode**

I am at home, fighting with my parents like I always do, but this time would be different. This time would be the last. I had already decided that long ago. I had planned everything out. I figured out our safe combination so that I could take my dads gun. I figured out when the school would be completely unlocked due to maintenance issues, and I knew that no one would come looking for me. Everything was all set. I had the gun tucked in the small of my back and I ran to school. I entered my usual bathroom where I did all of my cutting since the fighting began. I took out my blade and the gun and laid them both on the table. I grabbed the razor and cut over my wrist watching the blood drip to the floor. I grabbed the gun and pointed it to my head. I stared at myself in the mirror, that's when I got scared.

I put the gun back on the counter and dropped onto my knees on the floor. I started crying helplessly, just like the helpless girl I am. I hear the door to the bathroom open and I flinch. I look up but it doesn't help because my eyes are blurry with tears. The next thing I knew there was a cloth over my mouth, a funny smell and then darkness.

When I wake up I am always in a strange room. I get up and walk around trying to find an exit. I turn the corner and the man comes out of nowhere and points a gun at me.

I scream, and the last thing I hear is a single gunshot, before I wake up screaming.

** End Dream Mode**

I open my eyes to find my face wet with sweat and tears, and my therapist with his eyes wide. I sit up to wipe away the sweat and tears.

Perfect I thought. I even made myself believe it. There is no way that he didn't believe that perfect lie.

Suddenly he starts shaking his head.

"Ok Breanna I see where your going with this. You can come back to me when your ready to tell me the truth."

"What are you talking about? I finally decide to tell you and now you don't believe me. What the fuck kind of therapist are you?"

"One that has seen many believable lies, and yours wasn't any better than the last. So come back when you want to tell me the truth."

I couldn't believe that he didn't believe that, even I believed it, but I wasn't going to argue. I stormed out of the room without saying anything.

When I got back to my room I slammed the door shut. I was just so mad, I couldn't take it. I jumped on my bed and plugged in my headphones. I scroll down to BrokenNCYDE and choose "Schitzo" because its all screamo, so when I turn it all the way up I wont be able to hear anyone. I lay down and close my eyes.

I don't know if I zoned out or fell asleep, but the next time I looked at the clock it said 8:54 PM. I tried to sit up, but for some reason I couldn't. I looked down as far as I could and noticed that I was strapped down to the bed like some mental patient. I looked for the nurses button, but I couldn't reach it. So I did the only thing I knew how to do well.

I screamed.

I was screaming as I launched myself off the bed and face first on to the floor. I sat up from the floor in a daze, still half asleep. I managed to get myself back on my bed. I heard the door click open. I was to lazy to turn around to face the door so I asked the obvious.

"Who's there?"

No answer

Ok I thought, maybe I am just hearing things, until I heard footsteps walking toward me.

"Is anyone there?" I asked still to lazy to turn around.

I feel a hand on my shoulder and I flinch.

"Who are you?" now the person was behind me, so even if I turned I wouldn't be able to see them.

"The man from your nightmares, Bree."

My eyes widen, which nightmare was he talking about? My real nightmare or my fake one?

All my questions were answered when I heard a click and cold metal on the back of my head.

"What do you want?"

"I want you Bree, I want revenge for what you did to my brother, you remember him right. Ricky."

I flinch as he says his name.

"What do you mean? I didn't do anything to him."

"Your lying"

His grip on my shoulder tightens and I feel a cloth over my mouth and the same funny smell from my dream, and the same eternal darkness.


	6. When a Lie Becomes Reality

I wake up from the darkness in a small cold room with only one window that just happened to have bars over it. I sit up, my head pounding. I walk over to the door and look through the window to see Ricky's older brother Aiden sitting on a chair in bigger room outside mine. I bang on the door to get his attention, and while I watch him walk slowly towards me I quickly think of an escape plan. He fumbles with some keys and unlocks the door. As soon as I hear the click of the lock I push the door as hard as I can and make a run for it.

Unfortunately I didn't make it very far because I tripped over my own feet.

Clumsy bitch.

He sighed and picked me up by my arm and dragged me back into the tiny room.

"Nice try Bree, but I'm not bringing you back to the hospital until I get some answers about Ricky, and I may not bring you back in one piece either."

He locked the door behind him as he went back to the chair he was sitting on before.

I sat down on the cold floor, wondering if I should tell him that everything that happened was an accident, but I doubt he would believe me. I'm sure he was convinced that I did this on purpose. I want to explain what happened, and the fact was that I was in the hospital because of what happened to Ricky.

Speaking of the hospital, I wonder if they realized I was gone. Maybe they know that I'm missing but they don't care, or maybe they are searching for me now. Could I really mean that much to them that they would risk their lives to try and find me?

"Yeah, well I bet that they already have the police searching for me. They will search day and night until they find me, and when they do they will arrest you, and maybe they will kill you just like I killed Ricky."

I covered my mouth hoping he didn't hear the last part, but the sound of fumbling keys told me otherwise.

I backed away from the door until my back hit the cold and damp wall, just in time for the door to the tiny room to fly open, revealing a very angry Aiden in the doorway.

It was too dark to see his face clearly but I could imagine that it looked as scary as I thought it did. He started walking towards me until he was so close that our noses were touching.

He brought his hand up and wrapped it around my throat. I brought my hands up to try and pull his hand away, but he was just too strong. I guess four years in the military will do that to you. That was the last time I saw Aiden, was the day he got on the plane, and off to boot camp for 6 months, then he got shipped off somewhere and I never saw him again until now, and boy was I seeing him, up close and personal.

I coughed trying to gasp for air as my vision started to get fuzzy, and I got really lightheaded from the lack of air, and my chest tightened, and before I could say anything I had passed out.

I woke up sometime later. I don't exactly how long I was out because I had no other way to tell time except from the light or the darkness outside my window. So right now I was guessing that it was around 10 AM.

I turned to face the door and noticed it was open. I got up and slowly walked towards the door. I popped my head out of the doorway and looked around. I couldn't see Aiden anywhere. I wonder if he left and went somewhere, or maybe he just stepped out for a second and could come back at any moment. Well I was going to take a chance and try to get out of here.

I exited the doorway looking for another door that I was praying was the exit, and when I saw one I ran towards it only to run into the one person that I didn't want to see.

Aiden.

I fell to the floor from the impact and scrambled to get back up.

He was just as startled as I was, so startled that he pulled a gun to my face. I froze in place hoping that once he knew it was me that he would put it away, but no such luck. He walked slowly towards me as I slowly backed up until my back hit a wall.

So I did the only thing that I could think of in this kind of situation.

I screamed, and I screamed loud, hoping someone would hear me, and just like in the fake dream, but this time instead of one gunshot I hear two, and the last thing I remember for the darkness engulfed me again was excruciating pain.

I woke up to those all to familiar white walls that I had come to love over the past two weeks of being on suicide watch at the hospital. The beeping sounds and the pain from all the needles start to settle in as I become fully conscious.

I groan, my head still hurting. I hear a bunch of murmurs as I feel a hand on my shoulder. I flinch at the new contact. I open my eyes fully to reveal my doctor standing over me.

"Breeana, nice to see you awake, we thought you would never wake up. You gave us quite a scare. How are you feeling?"

I bring my hand up to my head

"I'm ok, but my head is pounding like crazy and my stomach is really sore, what happened?"

"Aiden took you right out from under our noses. He tricked the nurse into leaving her post so that he could grab you without anyone seeing him. After we realized you were gone we called the police right away, but we didn't know where to start looking until Aiden's parents told us places he used to hang out to be alone and with luck we started looking there, but the police got there too late. He had already shot you when they got there. You're really lucky, he just missed your liver, and you may not have made it."

I sigh.

"So what happened to Aiden? He's ok right?"

"Yes he is fine, the police had to use force, and we treated him at the hospital."

My eyes light up.

"Is he still here?"

"Yes he is. Don't worry he is on the other side of the hospital surrounded by police, he cant get anywhere near you now."

Relief rushes over me as I let out a deep breath.

"How long have I been out?" I asked, even though I really didn't want to know the answer.

"About a month, the shock was enormous, and the trauma you suffered through was a lot."

A month, I couldn't believe it.

"wow" was all I could say.

"This time I am going to set you up with a female therapist once you are fully healed. You think you can handle that?"

I nod.

I guess I don't really have much of a choice. He was gonna make me go whether I said I was ready or not. I just hope it wasn't as bad as the last time I went to therapy.

I needed to get my mind off of Aiden and what's happened over the past month and a half. I needed to if I was ever going to forgive myself for what I did to Ricky.

I laid back down and fell into a deep sleep, realizing that my fake nightmare was now a real and 100% true nightmare.


	7. Birthday Surprise

Weeks have past since my incident with Aiden. I decided not to press any charges against him, but today I don't want to talk about Aiden or Ricky. I talk about them enough in therapy.

Believe me.

Today was going to be all about me. You know why? Because today is July 7th. My 18th birthday. It also happened to be the same birthday as the one and only Sysnyster Gates from Avenged Sevenfold, one of my favorite bands. It was also the day that I was going to tell my parents that I don't want to be their child anymore, that I wanted to start fresh after everything that happened.

My doctor came in to tell me that he had a surprise for me. He told me to dress in something nice, something besides sweatpants and a tank top, like I have been dressing for the past two months.

"Ok" I said with a confused look on my face.

I had absolutely no idea what he was planning, but it gave me something to look forward to today. I got in the shower taking longer then necessary. I straightened my hair and put on black eye liner. My choice of clothing was simple. Some black skinny jeans and a white Avenged Sevenfold tee, with some red converse. Then I headed towards the lobby like I was instructed to.

I sat in the chair just waiting and waiting getting extremely anxious. I pull out my ipod and scroll down to Avenged sevenfold and press play. The first song that plays is Critical Acclaim. I was kind of in a mood for them today since it was Syn's birthday too. I start mouthing the words and bobbing my head to the beat when I feel a light tap on my shoulder. I look up from my ipod screen, and my mouth gapes open because the person standing in front of me was none other than the one and only Sysnyster Gates from Avenged Sevenfold.

Now if I hadn't remembered that I was in a hospital I would have screamed like the fan girl that I am. He brings a finger up to his lips signaling me not to speak. He looks at a nurse and nods, then grabs my hand in his and my ipod in another. Before I could protest we were outside the hospital walking towards my doctor who was in the far distance.

As we keep walking he scrolls through my ipod and nodding in approval.

"Nice choices, you have all our songs don't you?"

I nod.

"What's your favorite?"

"Umm probably Critical Acclaim." I said in almost a whisper.

He keeps scrolling through my ipod nodding when he sees a song he likes, but then he suddenly halts grabbing my hand and yanking me back.

"What's wrong?" I asked confused by the sudden stop.

"What are these? Are these lyrics? You write songs?.....wow these are really good Bree." He smiles causing me to smile back.

"They are not that good. They are just thoughts that I put on paper is all. They don't even sound that great when I try to sing them."

"You sing?" he asks puzzled.

"Yeah, it was a way to escape from everything, and I just stuck with it as everything got worse. It took all my pain away."

"Well I bet the rest of the guys cant wait to here you sing these" he says with a smile plastered on his face.

"Wait, what do you mean by the 'guys'?"

"Oh yea, SURPRISE!" he yells

"That's your birthday present from the doc. You get to hang out with the band for a while, and go to our show tonight. Doctors orders are that you must have fun."

We finally reach the doctor, and I run up and give him a huge hug. I honestly was really surprised.

"When….how….why….what's this?" I exclaimed.

"This is your birthday present Bree. I know how much you like them and how happy you were to have the same birthday as Brian here." He smiles back at me, happy about my reaction to this whole thing.

"You seriously got Sysnyster fucking Gates to come see me for my birthday. How the hell did you pull that off?"

Syn comes up from behind me and puts a hand on my shoulder.

"I owe him one that's how. We did a show a couple years ago, and I got really sick, and I passed out during a show, and ended up here. He was the one who treated me, and fast too so we could do the show that was at the end of that week, so I told him I owed him one, and here I am. Anyways, my job today is to make sure you have as much fun as possible."

He smiles and points towards the bus.

"They are all waiting for you inside, and they can't wait to meet you, go ahead."

I start walking towards the bus when someone yells stop from behind me. I turn around to see Syn with a guitar in his hand and running towards me, handing it to me.

"Happy birthday Bree, and believe me this isn't your last present either."

We walk to the bus together, but he enters first to get everyone together. He gives me the signal letting me know that it is safe to enter. I start slowly up the tour bus stairs making sure that this is all as real as it seems.

As I got to the top of the stairs I saw everyone, smiles plastered on their faces causing my nerves to die down, and for me to give a wide smile back.

"Hey what's up everyone?" I try to ask without sounding too much like a fan girl, even though I am.

There was a long silence. The band staring at me intently trying to figure me out.

Zacky was the first to break the silence.

"Hey Bree, what's up? I'm…."

I cut him off

"Zacky Vengeance, I know. You're the Rev, M. Shadowz, and Johnny Christ"

"Good so we can skip the introductions, because I really hate those. So what do you want to do today?"

I thought about it for a little while, and then it hit me. I knew exactly what I wanted to do today, but I didn't have any money.

"Well I did want to get a tattoo, but I don't have any money, so I guess that's out of the question." I sigh, looking down at the floor.

The Rev comes up from behind me

"I think your forgetting who we are" he says laughing.

"I call that tattoo as your birthday present from me, so don't worry I'm paying" he looks down at me and smiles.

I thought I was going to cry, I was so happy.

"What kind of tat do you want, we can't bring you back to the hospital looking like us." They all bust out laughing.

"Noooo, I've known what I want for a couple months now. I drew this a while ago for my best friend who was killed a couple months ago."

Everyone goes silent, probably because they didn't know how to deal with the info I just gave them.

We drove around for almost two hours trying to find a parlor that we could all agree on. Finally we came to a place called Infinite Ink. We walked in, gaining stares from everyone. We walked to the counter in the center of the shop and the girl at the counter looked like she was ready to scream. Zacky puts a finger over his lips and her mouth closes right away.

"Our little lady here wants a tattoo." Zacky says with a huge smile on his face.

'Ok, do you need a custom sketch or do you have one already?"

I pull the piece of paper out of my back pocket and hand it to her.

"Ok just give me a couple of minutes to set up."

I nod and go sit down with everyone else, they were all just as anxious as I was.

I close my eyes and lean my head back waiting for my name to be called.


	8. Painful Memories Resurfaced

After my tattoo was finished I admired it in the mirror while the girl finished putting lotion and what not on it. I watched all the guys as they laughed and joked with each other in the waiting room. I was kinda jealous. I never really had any friends that I could joke and actually have fun with. Any time I got with a 'friend' it was basically for cutting and smoking purposes.

The tattoo came out better than I expected. I was very happy with myself and I knew that I made the right decision. I called the guys over to look at it and they came over and started admiring it as well. Zacky pulled me into a tight hug, and I stood there in his arms relaxed until the feeling got oddly familiar. That's when I started to cry. Jimmy noticed and told Zacky to let me go.

"What's wrong Bree-Bree?" Zacky asked concerned with my sudden outburst of tears.

I made a pained expression, not really being sure whether I would tell them the real reason why I was so upset.

"Zacky don't call me that!" I screamed.

I got looks from the other people in the shop but I didn't care.

"He was the only one who I let call me that, the only one!" I continued with my outburst, but this time I made sure we were outside the shop.

Everyone looks at me with sad faces. I felt bad for making them seem like I was really upset with them. I wasn't, and it wasn't their faults at all, in fact it was all my fault.

"Who are you talking about Bree? Who was the only one to call you what?" This time it was Johnny who asked.

"I'm taking about…." I stop. I go back on the bus and they all follow. I wasn't going to discuss this in the middle of the busy Chicago streets, with a bunch of huge guys who look like they are gonna rob a place, not to mention anyone who likes music would notice them and make a big scene.

I continued once they were all on the bus and sitting comfortably, it might be awhile.

"I'm talking about Ricky, you know, the one my tattoo is for. Well, something happened with us a couple months ago, and it was my fault so I owe it to him to leave a permanent scar on my body as a constant reminder that what happened was all my fault." I started to cry again and put my face in my hands.

"Bree you know you can tell us right, we are here for you." I hated the fact that he was hiding from me a critical part of his lie. The fact that he already knew my tormented past was just another cut on my wrist because the last thing I needed from rock stars was pity.

** Flashback**

[i]Ring…ring….ring…..suddenly the phone stopped ringing and music took its place.

"Shh…quiet you might piss somebody off

Like me motherfucker you've been at it for too long."

I should have known that he wasn't going to answer, and just as I was about to hang up a familiar voice takes place of the music.

"Hello?"

"Yes, hello, is this Brian Haner Jr.?" I asked in a very professional tone.

"Yeah, and who may I ask is calling?" He was just as cocky as ever, and that's what I loved about him.

"This is Doctor Brent" I stated in a plain tone of voice.

There was a long pause.

"Ohhh yeah I remember now, what's up Doc?" He chuckles into the phone.

"You know that favor you promised me a couple of years ago?"

"Hellz yea I do, you finally think of a way that I can make it up to you?"

"Yes I did, and I hope you guys are on the road because your going to have to come back to Chicago for this one."

"Yea, actually your in luck. We are on tour right now, and we just happen to have a show in Chicago on my birthday. Can you believe my birthday is in six days, July 7th baby!" He yells into the phone causing me to hold the phone away from my ear.

"Yes, I know that this Saturday is your birthday, and I have a young lady at the hospital here with a birthday this Saturday too, and she happens to be a huge fan of your music, and would love to meet you. You get to be her birthday present from me for a day. I hope that is not to much trouble. Bree really loves your music and she even rights songs of her own. She is a very talented girl, but she has just been in the wrong place at the wrong time, and she has suffered greatly."

Brian was silent on the phone, probably wondering what he should say back to that.

"Can you tell me what she has been through, or is like confidential?"

"No, I can tell you, but I want you to promise me that you will not tell her that you know. I just want her to be able to be comfortable around someone besides me, and to be able to tell people what happened, but she will only tell people she truly trusts. She is only about to turn 18. She has her whole life ahead of her, and I believe that if she got to know you and the band, she would learn to put her past behind her"

"I get it, so what happened to her that messed her up so bad?"

[b]"Well from what she told me it all started with a fight with her parents about how much of a pain she was in their lives. She was so upset and so sick of all the fighting that she was going to commit suicide. She was already cutting and smoking to relieve the stress her parents put on her, but she had had enough of all the fighting and just wanted it to be over. She had stolen her fathers gun before she ran out of her house and towards her school, which she told me is where she did all of her cutting.

Then fortunately or unfortunately, depending on how you want to look at it she decided to count to three before she pulled the trigger. That's when her friend Ricky, who had been hiding in the stall jumped out trying to stop her. She was so startled that she shot at him, hitting him in his leg and severing the major artery in his leg. He was bleeding very badly and needed to get to a hospital fast before he bled to death. Unfortunately, Bree was to scared; she thought that if she called for help that they would bring her back to her parents, which was the last place she wanted to go back to. She panicked and shot Ricky again, killing him instantly. She then heard the police and ran to the one place that she didn't want to go back. She went straight home and cried her eyes out.

She went back to school the next day, and saw all of the memorial banners and candles the students left and all her feelings came rushing back. She was going to try to kill herself again, this time with headache pills that were prescribed to her. She entered the same bathroom that now had a large blood stain on the while tile floor. She ran into a stall to vomit before empting her pill bottle and swallowing all of the pills.

She had just passed out as a police officer had entered the room to gather more evidence, he called 911, and that's when I met her. She was in a coma for a month before she woke up.

Then Ricky's older brother heard about what happened and came to get revenge. He kidnapped her, and almost killed her. He shot her once almost with a fatal blow, and she was in another coma for about a month because of the shock of the incident."[/b]

" Now the only thing she has been looking forward to since then is her birthday, so I hope you will be able to get her to be her cheerful self again."

"wow" was all he could say, and I didn't expect him to say much more because it was a lot to take in all at once, or at least that's how I felt when she told me. She needs to know what its like to be a teenager again, do you think you can help her with that Brian?"

"Well, let me talk to the guys about it then I'll call you back but right now I need to get to a sound check."

"Ok Brian, bye"

"Bye"

…………

……………..

……………………

A couple hours later my phone rings. I look at the caller ID and see that it is Brian.

"Yes, this is Doctor Brent, how may I help you this lovely evening Brian?"

He chuckles into the phone.

"Your wish has been granted by the people, and if I may say so myself I have one hell of an argument. So I will see you and the little lady on Saturday for a double day of birthday fun" I'm sure he was smiling on the other end of the phone. I could hear the emotion in his voice. It made me happy that he was happy about the whole situation.

"So did I pick the right people for this job?" I asked not really looking for an answer in return.

"Fuck yes you did! We, Avenged Sevenfold are the mother of all partiers on this mother fucking planet, and you better believe it. We will have that kid's head spinning before she takes even a sip of JD." He laughs into the phone.

"Ok good, glad to hear it."

"Oh, and Brian, please don't let her know that you already know. It will make it easier on her if she thinks you don't know what she has been through, she will be able to be relaxed.

"No problem, well I got to go, show is starting in 20 minutes and I need to get on stage. See you Saturday at 10 AM sharp ok"

"Yes. Bye Brian"

"Bye"[/i]

**End Flashback**

"Guys I really can't tell you what happened. If I did you would never want to see my face again." I was still arguing with them about my past. It has been over two hours, when are they gonna give up?

"Bree, we have all done our share of bad deeds, I'm sure yours is nothing different." Matt states, trying to get me to stop crying.

I sigh. I might as well tell them, its not like after today I am ever going to see them again.

"Fine I'll tell you if it gets you all to shut up for a little while."

Their faces light up and I begin my life's story, in all its glory, and its tragedy.

…………

………………….

…………………………..

………………………………………..

……………………………………………………

I breathe out after I finish the conclusion to my horror story called life.

"See I told you, now you know I'm a murderer and an unwanted child. I just bring misery upon everyone that I meet. You should all just stay away from me." I wipe the tears from my face, but just as I finish new ones fall replacing the ones I wiped away.

I look up from my hands to see every single one of the smiling. I got angry, this shouldn't be happening I thought, they should want to kick me off of this god damned bus by now.

"Why the fuck are you smiling?"

"PHASE ONE AND TWO COMPLETE!' They all yell in unison.

"What the fuck are you talking about?"

"We already knew all about your past from your doctor, we just wanted to hear you say it for yourself."

"How the fuck did you already know? I haven't told anyone except my doct…..Oh my God, I am so gonna kill him when I get back to the hospital! I can't believe he would just tell anyone, especially you! When did he tell you?"

"When he called Brian about coming to meet you he mentioned that you had a troubled past so we asked him about it, so he told Brian and then Brian told us. He just wanted you to open up and to have fun, hence phase one and two complete." Zacky explained. I was still pissed but he looked so adorable with his baby face that I couldn't bring myself to hate him for what happened.

"So is there a phase three?"

"Phase three is you and us at our concert tonight. We need to go to the studio to practice your song. I read it, it's amazing." Matt states

"Wait a sec. You, Avenged Sevenfold, one of the best mother fuckin bands ever, liked one of my lame ass songs?"

"Yes" Syn states plainly almost shocking me for the fact he had no emotion in his voice at all.

"The rehearsal is in two hours so I suggest you take a shower and get ready now, because once we start getting ready it gets really chaotic in here, and I doubt you want to be in here with five naked guys running around like maniacs" He looks at his own body then smiles.

"Then again, maybe you do. Your choice." He smiles that evil smile, and I shake my head and make my way towards the shower.

Once I finished getting ready I noticed that we were already at the venue, and that the other band that we were touring with was just finishing up their rehearsal. I got off the bus to go see who it was when I stopped dead in my tracks.

"Oh my fucking God you guys didn't tell me that you were touring with…….!!"


End file.
